The effects of someone’s gambling can extend to well beyond just the gambler. They can affect a partner, child, parent or friend. This is the account of a Minnesotan whose husband was a problem gambler.

Pathological gambling (PG) is widely reported to have negative consequences on marriages, families, and children. Empirical evidence is only now accumulating but when put together with anecdotal information, the extent of these problems is clear. Problems with gambling can cause serious financial problems as well as a serious strain on a marriage. People with gambling addictions may exhibit a lot of extreme behaviors that can result in financial ruin. Many compulsive gamblers resort to illegal activity, such as stealing, to continue their habits. Gambling and Divorce. Although the effects of irresponsible gambling within marriage are different from alcoholism, the impact of addictive risk-taking can be similarly devastating. There is an additional aspect of monetary loss which can cause financial hardship for both parties, especially when they share bank accounts. What's Mine, Yours, Ours. Sometimes, when each spouse works and they can't agree on financial issues or find the time to talk about them, they decide to split the bills down the middle. Some of the consequences of gambling are marital disharmony, divorce, child abuse, substance abuse, and suicide attempts. Proponents argue that state lotteries are an effective way to raise taxes painlessly. But the evidence shows that legalized gambling often hurts those who are poor and disadvantaged.

The idea of addictive gambling is something I’d never even thought about. I’d always thought gambling was just a fun activity that people enjoyed … sort of a night out and a form of entertainment. I didn’t know what a compulsive gambler was and had no reason to think about it. When you’re in love with someone, it’s the last thing you think about.

That changed after I learned more about my husband. The first sign that something was wrong was when he asked me to lend him some money so that his dad could get a new water heater for his car. At first, I didn’t give it a second thought. But a few weeks later when I saw my father-in-law I asked him how his car was working. He gave me a surprised look. I explained that my husband had told me about his car problem and that I’d given money to help out. He told me that never happened … and so I began to wonder what was going on.

After that, I started noticing that my husband spent increasing amounts of time gambling at the casino. I remember asking him why he couldn’t just gamble every few months or so. But he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t go more than three weeks without gambling.

Sometimes, he would spend his whole paycheck on gambling. When that would happen, he’d have a hard time facing me so he would stay at his father’s. And when he finally did come home he would be very remorseful and tell me how sorry he was and he would promise me that it wouldn’t happen again.

His gambling got worse. We had made special plans for a trip to celebrate my fiftieth birthday and saved up some money. But then I learned that he’d spent the trip money on gambling. It seemed that anything that was stressful was a trigger for him to gamble.

I convinced him to attend Gambler’s Anonymous while I started going to Gam-Anon. That experience really opened my eyes to the extent of the problem and what had been going on. However, it didn’t help my husband. He said he didn’t fit in and that he was really going for me and not for himself.

I was told at my first Gam-Anon meeting that it would get worse before it got better. The group also taught me about “enabling” the gambler. I realized that I was enabling him by lending him money after he lost all of his so he could get through the week buying gas and work lunches. So the next time he asked to borrow money I said, “No” and he had a fit. He actually went into a rage and threw away his wedding ring, which we never did find. So yes, it did get worse instead of better, and we eventually separated.

My husband finally admitted that he did have a gambling problem but promised me he was done gambling. He also told the clergy (his cousin) that the whole marriage breakdown was due to his gambling and that he was not going to gamble anymore because he loved his wife. But just four days later I learned that he left work early to go to Treasure Island.

I also learned that his trips up north to visit his brother were trips to the casino. I discovered this when he called me from a casino and didn’t actually hang up his phone completely. I heard the sounds of the casino.

We eventually got divorced. I still love him and I know he still loves me, but he also understands what he put me through and he knows there is no way we could have a life together given that he still gambles. He has told me over and over how sorry he is. I have forgiven him and understand that it’s an illness. I also understand that there is help for those that want to stop gambling.

There have been nights when he’s called me in tears about his gambling. I’ve told him that he needs to get into a 30-day program and I’ve even given him the phone number. But when he wakes up in the morning, he’s changed his mind and says he just needed to talk to me. I know it’s something he can’t allow himself to sleep on. He has to go when he feels the need.

I’ve learned a lot through this experience. For one, people think they can change other people, but they can’t. All you can do is keep encouraging them.

Side Effects Of Gambling

It’s very difficult being the spouse of a person with a gambling problem. You’re afraid to leave your husband for a weekend to spend time with your girlfriends. That’s no way to live. I could not live in crisis day in and day out, always knowing there was a little calm before the storm, having to hide my money and never knowing if what he said was the truth or a lie.

Effects Of Gambling On Marriage Pros And Cons

Compulsive gambling is a widespread problem of addiction. There are thousands of compulsive gamblers in Canada, and gambling doesn’t just affect the gambler. Its far-reaching consequences involve the lives of spouses, children, friends, extended family, employers and co-workers, but the hardest hit is the immediate family.

Spouses and children don’t just suffer the material deprivation that accompanies compulsive gambling; the rates of divorce, domestic violence, child abuse and neglect are much higher in families where one or both adults have a gambling addiction.

Material deprivation

Effects Of Gambling On Society

A gambler, in the throes of his* addiction and obsessed with winning the jackpot is no longer thinking clearly. He is in the grip of such a powerful mental obsession that he can no longer discern between right and wrong when it comes to gambling. He will bet his paycheque, mortgage the house and sell whatever he can to get money; he’ll borrow from family, friends and loan sharks; he will embezzle from his workplace, write bad cheques, steal money from the kids’ piggy banks, cash in bonds and retirement savings, max out all his credit cards and stillbe in denial that he has a gambling addiction. There will be nothing left for food, clothes, rent or mortgage payments, so his family goes without the basics, living way below the poverty line – not because there isn’t enough money but because all the money has been gambled away.

Divorce

The divorce rate among families in the grip of compulsive gambling is high. The tension between spouses is palpable. As the gambler loses more and more, feelings of fear and shame increase. He becomes angry to cover up his fear and shame. He becomes withdrawn, elusive and terse. He may experience mood swings – elation when he wins, sullenness when he loses. The spouse, frustrated beyond bearing and also fearful, is constantly confronting the gambler about the pile of unpaid bills, the calls from creditors, about his lying and covering up.

Unable to cope with this perceived constant 'nagging,' the gambler gets angry in an attempt to intimidate his spouse into silence. The tension and anger escalate. The house feels like a war zone with each spouse on the enemy side. The groundwork has been laid for either spouse to seek 'solace and understanding' outside the marriage. Divorce can seem like the only option. Unable to withstand the chronic chaos, the couple split up, leaving in their wake many lives destroyed and broken. And still the gambler may continue gambling.

Domestic violence

Few gamblers see that gambling contributes to the problems they face. The constant inner tension that a compulsive gambler lives with is crushing. Many gamblers drink in an effort to reduce this tension. Many 'blow up' regularly to relieve the pressure, like a pressure cooker left on the stove too long.

Articles On Effects Of Gambling

Gamblers are masters at blaming external circumstances and other people for their troubles – and the spouse is the prime target for blame. Living with a compulsive gambler is like walking blind in a minefield. You never know when you’re going to step on a bomb. You never know when he is going to explode and what the damage will be. Maybe dinner was served too late or too early. Maybe you didn’t say hello the right way. Maybe you weren’t supposed to say hello at all. Maybe the kids were too loud or too quiet. Either way, you never know from one day to the next what his mood and temper will be, so you live in fear of his explosive rage. Sometimes that rage leads to a slap, or a punch, or rape.

Sometimes his rage leads to verbal abuse: name calling, harsh criticism, swearing and out-of-control yelling. All the while the gambler is blaming you for the way he is treating you. You don’t know what you’ve done, but after a while you begin to believe him. Maybe he’s right and you’re wrong. You begin to doubt your perception, thoughts and feelings. The abused spouse learns that once the storm has passed, the gambler is always very sorry, and promises not to do it again. They learn that a few 'normal' days will follow until the next time. And there’s always a next time.

Child abuse and neglect

The constant strain, the constant financial pressure and the emotional highs and lows that gamblers experience take a toll on their ability to function maturely. Children of compulsive gamblers are vulnerable to physical, emotional, and verbal abuse and neglect. It is not uncommon to hear that children were left in locked cars in the parking lot of a casino while their parent was gambling.

Like the spouse, the children are prime targets for the gambler’s rage. He has no psychological buffer that allows him to take a step back and re-group. His rage is always just beneath the surface and it takes very little for it to erupt. Parents know that raising children is not always easy and we all reach the breaking point at times. The difference, however, is that a healthy parent can discipline their anger and use it constructively. A compulsive gambler does not possess this type of discipline if, indeed, he ever did, and so the gambler’s rage, fear and frustration get dumped on his children who are unable to protect themselves against it. Growing up in this kind of environment is profoundly damaging to a child’s sense of self, sense of safety and trust, and sense of well-being. They are the innocent victims of a debilitating addiction through no fault of their own.

Families need help if they want to change. The spouse will need many types of support including financial, emotional, psychological and spiritual. The road back to health isn’t easy, but staying isn’t easy either. It will take time for the wounds created and compounded by compulsive gambling to heal.